My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
