turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
