wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
