Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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