i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
