kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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