Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
