What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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