Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
