We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We need to get me chipped asap
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
