She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
