umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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