my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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