i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
