Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
