Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
