I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pants are for mortals
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
