first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
