I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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