TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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