you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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