My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
