Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
