i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
