I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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