I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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