I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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