Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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