I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
