booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
