Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
