You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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