There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
