i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
is it fun? or sober?
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