My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you would pick up someone in the library
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
