i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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