How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
