I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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