when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
