Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
