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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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