have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
