i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
