if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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