they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
