he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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