When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
