Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
organizing the empties. That sober.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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