i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
