spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
